WHY do I have more male friends than female friends?
WHY is there such caddiness in my female relationships?
WHY can't women trust each other?
Is intimate friendship only for couples??
NO! It's not!
It is biblical for men and men and women and women to have deep, Godly, FRIENDSHIPS.
But, today, let's just focus on women-to-women friendships.
Yes, there is a biblical example for them.
Let's visit the Book of Ruth (I wonder how many of us knew this book existed or have at least opened it up a few times)
So, anyway.
In the Book of Ruth
Ruth and Naomi grow to have what most would call the template for an intimate friendship between women.
Before we go any further, when I speak - and the bible speaks - of intimacy, it is not this newly formed connotation of intimacy = sex (aka making love).
To be intimate is to have a close, personal relation; to suggest a privacy; and is characterized by involving warm friendship.
So let's not think of intimate as involving necessarily the removal of clothes to share you body with someone, but rather a removal of exterior layers (built up walls) to share your inner-being with someone.
Back to Ruth and Naomi...
Ruth was previously married but her husband (Naomi's son) had passed away.
Ruth had 2 choices, she could attempt to return to her family who had disowned her for marrying an Israelite, or she could attempt to stay with Naomi who may not want someone around her whose family doesn't even want her. Tough choice right...Yea...
But Ruth made her decision, she had come to have such a relationship with her mother-in-law that she was willing to go wherever she went, follow her God of Israel and be with her even 'til death.
Ruth 1:14-17
"Then they lifted up their voices and wept again; and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her. And she (Naomi) said, Look, your sister-in-law (Orpah) has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law. But Ruth said: Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, If anything but death parts you and me."
Now, some us might look at this lil passage say "ummm, is that not a little extreme??" But no, it's not.
Ruth was an exceptional woman who portrayed how we should live in our days of singleness and how if we stay true to our GOD, (if it is in His divine will for us to be married) we will have our Boaz, should we wait. So, she has also shown us a great example of true Godly friendship.
It's a John 15:13 Friendship: "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down ones life for his friends. "
This is the friendship Ruth and Naomi developed against the odds of rival cultures and marriages ending.
So ladies: WHAT is holding us back from experiencing these types of friendships with other women? WHAT makes us drift away from each other???
If you ask me, I say because it hurts worse to be betrayed by one who knows you rather than one who is foreign to your thought-patterns and emotions.
Men are not women, so to know a woman (for a man) takes studying, concentration, and learning honestly by trial and error. So, when a man is insensitive or does something (as a friend, not a significant other) to hurt us, we as women are more apt to chalk it up to them just not knowing.
I didn't know this was in the bible, but apparently David had a similar issue with being betrayed by ones who he had counted trustworthy in his life.
Psalm 55:12-14"For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; Then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; Then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, My companion and my acquaintance.We took sweet counsel together, And walked to the house of God in the throng."
It is much harder to accept and deal with a betrayal from ones we know and with whom we believe to be in a sisterhood fellowship.
OK...WHY ELSE??
On the subject of men: Ruth waited for her man. She did not become conniving and resort to back-stabbing in an attempt to "win Boaz over." What we as women should understand is that our Boaz will not be impressed with such reckless abandon of self-worth. If you cannot respect another woman's privacy, word, relationship, you subsequently do not respect yourself.
Here's a couple of scriptures to examine/reveal some of the things we do to each other:
Proverbs 11:13 " A talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter."
Told any good secrets lately?
Let's use this rule of thumb:
Unless she says, "Tell it". . .DON'T!
(No matter how insignificant YOU think it is)
Proverbs 16:28 "A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends."
Has anyone around you...
slowed down on the amount of time they spend with you?
Been holding back more than before?
Maybe you've become a whisperer
Job 6:14 "To him who is afflicted, kindness should be shown by his friend, Even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty."
Say someone's been all the things above to you...
Have you given a second thought to giving them a second chance?
I must admit this is where I falter, but I ask you pray to God with me as I work on this and we work together in Jesus' name, Amen.
OK so...WHY do we do all this and WHAT should we do??
As Black Women, (and women in general) we have an innate ability to withstand struggles and heartaches and to be made whole, but this healing is something we have to want and accept. God says in Jeremiah 30:12 "For thus says the Lord: Your affliction is incurable, Your wound is severe." but then turns around and says in the 17th verse of the same chapter "For I will restore health to you And heal you of your wounds, says the Lord, Because they called you an outcast saying: This is Zion; No one seeks her." Furthermore, in John 5:6 When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him,Do you want to be made well?" Jesus, knowing and seeing this man needed healing, still asked him if he wanted to be healed.
God knows the depth of the pain we feel, even in betrayals of relationships, but this is not an excuse to flee from them. God can and WILL restore us (if we accept it) and we must continue on to form Godly connections.
We have to check ourselves and understand the things we do that can be petty, hurtful, vindictive, manipulative, and even just plain selfish that will (and has) cause a woman like ourselves to experience hurt.
We do not want to be afflicted, so we should not afflict. Even if it is just not having the willingness to forgive.
Jesus calls us to take risks in His Name. Part of bearing our cross as women is remaining open, nurturing and loving TOWARD EACH OTHER.
This is missing! And NO, it is not easy, but it IS NECESSARY.
I pray this message
touches you
and convicts you
and heals you
as much as it has done for me as I received it from the Most High GOD.
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